The Adventures of Freckles and Chippy
A Different Kind of Easter
This spring has been weird….toilet paper shortages, closing of non-essential businesses that are essential. Pastors preaching to empty pews. Nursing homes closed to visitors.
This Easter will be different. One we never forget. Ten years ago, my family celebrated a different Easter too.
We didn’t attend a church service that year. We didn’t search for new Easter ensembles to wear. We didn’t sing “He Lives” with our church family. We didn’t hard boil any eggs. But it was perhaps as my sister calls it the “sweetest” Easter ever.
It was the last Easter we spent with our Mom. At the time, I just wanted God to take my mom. She had been in pain too long…The Cancer had ravaged her body. I asked God to please take her home on Easter. He didn’t.
I didn’t realize at the time but He had given us a wonderful gift.
That day, Mom had her best day since we’d flown home from college. She took each of us aside to tell us how much she loved us and to always put God first….it was a difficult day but looking back it was a great day! She passed away 6 days later…
In the midst of our pain, there was joy….
So many people are hurting right now…But in the midst of it all, it doesn’t take too long to find joy. Joy looks like stuffed animals hanging in windows for bear hunts. It’s disguised as folks hunched over sewing machines making masks. It’s found in communities banding together “separately” Or honking vehicles thanking medical staff. It’s my favorite post office clerk greeting me by name. It’s a colored picture in my mailbox from a neighbor kid. It’s the little things I take for granted each day.
When we finally go back to “normal,” I hope I never take for granted the joy of sitting in a church service, a handshake, or a hug from one of our great kids at church. I hope I don’t take for granted the opportunity to work out in a CrossFit class, or a quick eBay thrift store run, or an activity at a nursing home. I hope I don’t take the little things for granted either…I hope I’m a more grateful person!
I
Heavy Boxes
“Rachel, leave the boxes for the guys to get. They’re really heavy!” My dad glanced at me with a concerned look.
I bet they’re not that heavy! I thought to myself.
I watched as my dad walked away with “the guys” carrying some boxes.
Hmm, I pondered, looking for smaller items. But those boxes…Couldn’t be too heavy! And really just because I’m not one of the guys!
I marched my seven-year old legs over to the forbidden boxes on the end of the trailer. I rested my hand on the top box and glanced quickly inside the garage. No one. Seconds passed. I traced my finger along the edge of the box…and took a few steps closer. One more glance. No one. I’ll show them!
I quickly lowered my hands around the box and bent my knees as my dad always did. I pulled on the box. This is heavy! My little fingers slipped off the box. I heard my dad yell,”Rachel, No!” as my head crashed into the driveway pavement.
I’ll never forget starting 2nd grade with a huge goose egg on my head.
I can do all things…on my own.. has been my motto most of my life….
For a long time after my mom passed away, I thought I could do all things. God would never give me a box too heavy to carry. Or so I thought.
And once again, I thought with a little moxy, I could defeat grief. And so I tried for a long time, to do it on my own. If I stayed positive and strong, I would just get over it.
I filled my life with adventures and visits to see my friends. I occupied my life with busy. Because well, that’s what I do when I’m trying to avoid things.
But grief is a heavy box….And it can only be carried for a short while.
It needs to be opened. It needs to be heard, it needs to be felt.
It’s anger, shock, regret, denial.
It’s acceptance. It’s love. It’s wisdom. It’s joy.
But it’s a part of me now.
God has sent people in my life that have helped me to unbox my grief. Listening to their stories of times they’ve struggled has given me hope and allowed me to share mine as well.
At times, it’s been hard to admit to myself that it’s ok to talk about it. Even to talk to God about it.
Anger was the emotion I most definitely didn’t want to embrace so I left my anger in the box for a long time and I dragged the box with me…
My anger festered in the box. Until it came bursting forth.
I remember the night. My dad was on the phone. I knew the verdict. Knew what he was gonna say when he hung up the phone.
“Girls, Patches isn’t doing good…”
And all the anger came spilling out…the anger that I was not awake when mom died. Anger that I had somehow let her down. Anger that I didn’t appreciate her the way I should have. Anger that she wasn’t with us now in Washington, D.C. Anger that she missed out on Sarah’s college graduation a few days before….and now my sweet cat Patches was dying!
“We should be there! We should have taken her to the vet!” I yelled at my dad. “Why didn’t we??”
“Rachel, we didn’t know…” my sister started.
“Of course, we knew.” I shot back.
Patches passed away that night. Back home, our friends stayed till she passed. They were there…my family was there. God was with us too.
I think my independent spirit will always be apart of me. It’s not always a bad thing…but I pray as I come to the next heavy box in my life, I don’t try to carry it alone. I hope I set it down, unbox it and give God those things that are too heavy for me…
Maybe you’re like me. You struggle with pride too. For years, you and I have heard statements like, God will never give us more than we can handle.
But my friend, that’s not true, and if we try to carry all those things, we will grow so tired. Let’s encourage each other. Let’s share our struggles. Let’s admit when we we need help. Let’s run our race well, but not alone. We have a community of believers running with us! And our Heavenly Father lives within us!
Bumble Bees!
These were fun pictures! These Bumble Bees were loving the Salvia I planted this spring!
Little Bunny, Big Adventure!
This bunny was so adorable! He was so tiny and spunky! Ready for his next adventure!
Courageous Fear
I stood at the pinnacle of my hopes and dreams. This was it……this would be the day I conquered my fear. I could see my Mom in the background with her camera, ready to capture my big moment.
I took a deep breath as I grabbed for the first bar with my right hand and then my left.
“Rachel, you can do it!” Mom and Dad cheered me on. “Go Rachel!”
With a shaky right hand, I grabbed for the next bar, barely making contact.
What if I fall? The ground is so far away. Don’t look down, don’t look down. I told myself, focusing in on the bars ahead.
Channeling my inner Ninja Warrior, I reached the next bar and then the next and then before I knew it, I had reached the end of the Monkey Bars!
“I did it!” I jumped up and down. “Did you see that? That was so cool.”
I felt like I had conquered the world. I mean the monkey bars! This was big stuff.
I would like to say that I conquered all my fears that day, like that was my big moment, and then boom, I would be known as “Rachel aka Pink Power Ranger,” (Back in the day, I thought she was fearless), but I was never assigned this nickname because of my outstanding bravery.
No, I never have been the brave one. Just ask my friend Brette. She has always been good at getting me out of my comfort zone. We were excited to run in a “Fun” 5k. Did I mention there was an inflatable slide that would drop us at a 90 degree angle! Quite frightening for a girl terrified of heights. When we approached the park, you could see this obstacle for miles!
Now, the slide was at the very end. Maybe I’ll just skip out on that obstacle.
I suggested to Brette that maybe she should just go down the slide without me. But she insisted that we had to go on that obstacle together.
“Ok,” I dutifully agreed.
Finally, we reached the giant slide. This was it. We both began to climb up the slide. That climb took too little time and soon we were at the top.
Wow, this is super high. Yikes.
Before I could talk myself out of it, there was a guy counting us down. “3,2,1….Go!”
And then I shot down the slide at a pace so fast I wasn’t sure if I was even breathing and then splash! I was in the little pool at the end of the slide! I had conquered that big slide!
My Fears have not just been about monkey bars and giant slides….Actually, I have a plethora of fears…
When my mom passed away, I was faced with all new kinds of fear. I especially feared writing. Grief is weird like that. Writing had always been my constant friend. Even through my mom’s cancer diagnosis, I continued to write.
I started my senior year of college with optimism. Mom would be ok. I just knew God would heal her and then I could write about the miracle and how in the most unlikely of circumstances, God came through! Stage IV Cancer gone! Sounded like a best seller to me!
A little over a month before my graduation, I was talking on the phone with my mom. She sounded so tired and I can’t even remember the conversation. All I can remember is the realization that mom was too weak to make my college graduation…She had sacrificed so much for me to go to college and she wasn’t going to be able to see me walk across the stage….and she certainly wouldn’t make the culmination of my college writing career:my portfolio reading, being in just a few days.
On April 1st, I got a call from Dad. His somber voice told me it was not good. “Rachel, we met with hospice today. There’s nothing more they can do. I think you and Sarah need to come home. Your mom’s very close….”
April 1 was also my portfolio reading…..I wondered, Should I just skip it and get the earliest flight out? No, that’s not what mom would want.
I still have no answers how I got through that day…telling my sister was difficult. Soon, Sarah and I were in the student life office, explaining our situation.I felt like a wreck..how was I going to do this portfolio reading?
God and my friends that’s how I forged through that day. More about that later 🙂
Just ten days after my dad’s initial phone call, my sweet mom went to meet Jesus. It’s hard to explain but it’s like time stood still. The world around me was moving on, but I wasn’t ready for that. How could it just move on when such an important person was gone?
After finishing the semester and graduation, I moved back home. Writing now became my bitter acquaintance. At times it was just too much to write about the pain I was feeling, I didn’t want to write about it, and I surely didn’t want to talk about. I felt like I needed to be strong for my family. Writing scared me because it forced me to be vulnerable. It forced to be real and admit that no, I was not ok.
But (you had to know this was coming, I mean you are reading a blog post that I wrote. Oops getting sidetracked. Back to it.) slowly my love for writing was renewed. It didn’t happen in one day. And I can’t wait to tell the rest of the story.
So you may ask, “Have you now conquered your fear of writing?”
My aswer, No! Writing still scares me, and being vulnerable really scares me! But being brave I’ve learned isn’t so much about conquering fear as much as it is about facing it.
Guardian Angels, Hard Boiled Eggs, and a Bit of Yoga
Have you ever wondered what your guardian angel looks like? I have on many occasions. I’m not sure of his complete features but one thing I am positive of is this….he is a multitasking ninja. I don’t know if when God is giving out assignments to the angels, he has a special list of those that are high risk…like insurance companies do? If that’s the case, I belong in that category for my risky behavior.
Just last night, I was having a “rabbit bunny” moment. Yes, that is a made up phrase. Let me enlighten you a bit. The definition of rabbit bunny is “a moment in time when your mind is spewing off random facts or ideas; may also refer to a time when you or a friend vocalize said random facts or ideas.”* Let me you use that in a sentence for you. Ex: “That was very rabbit bunny of you, but I think cracker jacks would hit the spot” my friend said with a wink.
Ok, now that you know the context, let me continue my story. So, in my rabbit bunny state, I had just gotten home from church. I told my sister, “You know what sounds good? Hard boiled eggs. I’m gonna make some!”
After putting the eggs and water in a pan on the stove, and starting the fire, I had another rabbit bunny idea! Yoga! Why not? I thought to myself. I mean I haven’t done yoga in maybe like 2 years. So why not? Carpe Diem. Ooh, I can do that new yoga DVD I got from the Dollar Tree! That strengthens your core. What a great idea. Oh, but I must remember to check the eggs. Mental Note check!
After a few minutes of yoga, my sis decided to join in. And soon, the yoga session was over. But after doing that workout, I felt like that was a workout….and I needed my stress relief yoga DVD. So I grabbed it and stuck it into the DVD player, and 800 deep breaths later, I felt so relaxed and ready for bed. I turned off the kitchen light, and finished my nightly routine. And then laid down for my restful night of sleep. Thank-you Yoga!
Suddenly, I was jolted out of my peaceful state. Oh No! I thought. I forgot to drip the faucets! I don’t want to get up! I’m so comfy. But I must!
Leaving my bedroom, I headed for the bathroom. What is that smell? I wondered. Smells like something burning. Probably just my scentsy. Wait burning scentsy! That doesn’t sound right! Oh my goodness! My Eggs. I bolted into the kitchen to find my eggs still on the stove where I had left them with just a spot of water left. I quickly turned the burner off and moved the pan. Wow, that was a close one. So much for stress relieving yoga! lol
My guardian angel breathed a sigh of relief and I went to bed. I joke about this guardian angel thing, but I know God intervened in that situation. He has intervened on my behalf so many times. So yes, I have a buff guardian angel and an awesome God who cares for me!
*The Definition of Rabbit Bunny was coined by sister Sarah and friend Brette. Must give credit where credit is due!
Peace Admist Pain
April 2016
I sat on the floor of my cluttered room, trying to clean up my room and my scattered emotions. In the last week, it seemed I had experienced the spectrum of emotions that most experience in oh, I don’t know…..a lifetime…
I had felt excitement for my sister’s trip to South Korea. God had given her this opportunity, and I was excited to see what He would teach her.
Soon, my excitement turned to worry. While waiting to hear if she had arrived safely in Seoul, I was seriously having panic attacks. My Sunday School Lesson just so happened to be about worry. Now here I was studying to teach a bunch of kiddos about trusting in God, and here I was doubting Him. I knew I had to get my heart right. I brought this before God, and his peace filled my heart that Sarah was in His hands. Nothing could harm her, He wouldn’t allow it unless it was for her good.
That Sunday night, I was sitting in church. I had had a good day. Sarah had arrived in Seoul safely. But as I sat in church, my heart was heavy. Tears streamed down my face. My thoughts rushed at me with lightning speed. What if God calls Sarah to South Korea? Things could change. Why now? God what are you trying to teach me? I’ve already lost one family member, but God why another?
After service, my friend asked me if I was missing Sarah. Tears came quickly…I explained what I was feeling emotionally. I was wondering, Why do I have to be so emotional? Why can’t I just hold it together?
She countered. Maybe God was working in my heart too. Maybe He was moving me in ways that I hadn’t expected.
Would He call me? What in the world was He doing? I thought to myself. God can’t I just see a blueprint of my life?
*Insert Side Note Here: Godly friends will always turn your heart towards God. And that is exactly what my friend did. She didn’t say what I was feeling was unreasonable or not normal, but all the more why I needed God in my life to guide me……And as I drove home that night, my heart was encouraged to seek Him.
Something was still bothering me immensely….Under all those other emotions. I sought God’s help. I asked for His Wisdom.
And the next day as I sat sorting through my things, I sifted through paperwork and came across my mom’s poetry….And then it’s as if God pointed to it and said, “Rachel, you miss your mom!” God had revealed what was the very struggle. Yes, I did. Although it had been six years since she passed, I wished she was here! I was mad that she wasn’t there to see Sarah take this trip. Mad she would miss graduations, weddings, and kids. Sad I could never talk to her again. I needed her right now! God why do I have to feel like this?
As I let my sadness and anger sink in, I suddenly felt a peace in the midst of my pain. A peace that could be not explained by mere human logic. Christ’s love had intersected my grief!
And then the very next day, God allowed me to visit with someone about grief and I was able to use my experience to reach out to her. But God was not done showing Himself to me.
Sunday, my pastor preached a message entitled, “The Lonely Road to the Cross.” And God was like, “Rachel, listen carefully, I have something to teach you.”
OK.
“Have you ever felt lonely?” my pastor began. “Like no one understands what you’re going through?”
Bingo. Yep pretty much…
“We often talk about the pain Christ endured on the cross. But I’m going to talk about the pain he experienced leading up to the cross.”
Christ was forsaken for me. Even the disciples that were so close to Him, even His inner Circle, did not understand the pain He was enduring. They couldn’t even stay awake in the Garden to pray. Peter would deny him. Judas would betray him. And He would walk the lonely road to Calvary, alone.
God spoke to my heart through my pastor’s message. Christ understands because He has already borne my griefs and my sorrows! My grief! No wonder I felt wrapped up in Christ’s love that night I allowed my pain to be felt. He understood! And He had always been willing to lavish his love on me, but I had been so tied up in keeping it together that I had been missing out on His sweet embrace!
Isaiah 53:4: “Surely he hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows: yet we did esteem him stricken, smitten of God, and afflicted. But he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with his stripes we are healed.”
Lessons from the Airport Terminal
We were up and ready to go….It was dark outside and surely, at 5:30a.m., we would find a parking place in the Airport Parking Garage. Dad, Sarah and I were excited to be headed to New York to see family and vacation. Our Flight left at 6:45a.m. so we had plenty of time to catch our flight.
We tirelessly searched the ground floor of the parking garage. The garage was packed and it was on the the second floor, too. Surely, there would be a parking place on the top floor. But once we got to the top, a dozen other cars were driving around looking for a place to park but to no avail, no parking places were even free. I was starting to panic…..We had already wasted 10 minutes…..and we still had to drive down out of the garage and find a place to park. Yikes, we were gonna be cutting it pretty close for sure.
We found a spot in one of the Airport’s Parking Lots. We quickly unloaded the car and headed towards the Airport Shuttle stop. The Shuttle driver quickly loaded our luggage, and I thought We’re doing ok. I was organizing my thoughts and getting my reservation papers out and ready. But still, I was a bit high-strung. “Ok, we gotta boogie when we get into the airport. We’re gonna have to quickly get checked in, and get our boarding passes, and…and….” I barely breathed as I quickly gave my instructions.
“Rachel, Calm down,” Dad said. “It’s gonna be ok. We’ll get there. No problem.”
“We’re gonna miss our flight!” I said worriedly as another passenger boarded.
“Hey, man you dropped something back there,” a passenger waved at the man that had just boarded the shuttle.
“Seriously,” I said under my breath and looked out the shuttle window behind to see the man’s backpack laying on the ground and his belongings sprawled out all over the ground. I wish this guy would hurry up. I thought. I got a plane to catch. Hurry up dude! But he seemed to be in no hurry as he took what seemed like forever to gather his belongings.
“We’re gonna miss our flight. We’re gonna miss our flight!” I muttered under my breath as I began to panic. We had to check-in and get through security! We just weren’t gonna make it…..
Finally, the man climbed up into the shuttle and we were on our way to the terminal. When the shuttle stopped, I could see the U.S. Airways terminal. It was 5:55a.m. at this point. Yikes. They closed boarding our plane in just 30 minutes. We would be running for sure!!!
But, as we guided our luggage toward the U.S. Airways terminal, there was no one in line!!! I looked over at American and there 20 people in line to check in… and the other terminals were the same way!!!
“I can check you in,” said the worker. “Got 4 minutes till I head to my gate.” And so, we were able to get checked in by 6 a.m. Ok, that was pretty cool but we still have to get through security and the line is getting longer!!!
We got to the TSA agent and handed him our licenses.” All right, y’all are ready to go. Your group has been chosen to go through pre-check. There’s no need to take your liquids out and you can leave your shoes on. We’ll suave one of your hands. And you’ll be done.”
We went to the pre-check and got through security the fastest I ever have in my entire life!!! We arrived at our gate, and they had just begun boarding our plane.
God is always in control, and sometimes, I doubt his goodness….and what exactly he is doing in my life. I should have just trusted God in the first place, but I was so consumed with the circumstances that I wasn’t trusting Him, but he was working the whole situation out. Praise the Lord for his Goodness and grace, even when I don’t deserve it!
throughchelslens.com 