Month: April 2017

Peace Admist Pain

Posted on by chel2010sbcglobalnet

April 2016

I sat on the floor of my cluttered room, trying to clean up my room and my scattered emotions. In the last week, it seemed I had experienced the spectrum of emotions that most experience in oh, I don’t know…..a lifetime…

I had felt excitement for my sister’s trip to South Korea. God had given her this opportunity, and I was excited to see what He would teach her.

Soon, my excitement turned to worry. While waiting to hear if she had arrived safely in Seoul, I was seriously having panic attacks. My Sunday School Lesson just so happened to be about worry. Now here I was studying to teach a bunch of kiddos about trusting in God, and here I was doubting Him. I knew I had to get my heart right. I brought this before God, and his peace filled my heart that Sarah was in His hands. Nothing could harm her, He wouldn’t allow it unless it was for her good.

That Sunday night, I was sitting in church. I had had a good day. Sarah had arrived in Seoul safely. But as I sat in church, my heart was heavy. Tears streamed down my face. My thoughts rushed at me with lightning speed. What if God calls Sarah to South Korea? Things could change. Why now? God what are you trying to teach me? I’ve already lost one family member, but God why another?

After service, my friend asked me if I was missing Sarah. Tears came quickly…I explained what I was feeling emotionally. I was wondering, Why do I have to be so emotional? Why can’t I just hold it together?

She countered. Maybe God was working in my heart too. Maybe He was moving me in ways that I hadn’t expected.

Would He call me? What in the world was He doing? I thought to myself. God can’t I just see a blueprint of my life?

*Insert Side Note Here: Godly friends will always turn your heart towards God. And that is exactly what my friend did. She didn’t say what I was feeling was unreasonable or not normal, but all the more why I needed God in my life to guide me……And as I drove home that night, my heart was encouraged to seek Him.

Something was still bothering me immensely….Under all those other emotions. I sought God’s help. I asked for His Wisdom.

And the next day as I sat sorting through my things, I sifted through paperwork and came across my mom’s poetry….And then it’s as if God pointed to it and said, “Rachel, you miss your mom!” God had revealed what was the very struggle. Yes, I did. Although it had been six years since she passed, I wished she was here! I was mad that she wasn’t there to see Sarah take this trip. Mad she would miss graduations, weddings, and kids. Sad I could never talk to her again. I needed her right now! God why do I have to feel like this?

As I let my sadness and anger sink in, I suddenly felt a peace in the midst of my pain. A peace that could be not explained by mere human logic. Christ’s love had intersected my grief!

And then the very next day, God allowed me to visit with someone about grief and I was able to use my experience to reach out to her. But God was not done showing Himself to me.

Sunday, my pastor preached a message entitled, “The Lonely Road to the Cross.” And God was like, “Rachel, listen carefully, I have something to teach you.”

OK.

“Have you ever felt lonely?” my pastor began. “Like no one understands what you’re going through?”

Bingo. Yep pretty much…

“We often talk about the pain Christ endured on the cross. But I’m going to talk about the pain he experienced leading up to the cross.”

Christ was forsaken for me. Even the disciples that were so close to Him, even His inner Circle, did not understand the pain He was enduring. They couldn’t even stay awake in the Garden to pray. Peter would deny him. Judas would betray him. And He would walk the lonely road to Calvary, alone.

God spoke to my heart through my pastor’s message. Christ understands because He has already borne my griefs and my sorrows! My grief! No wonder I felt wrapped up in Christ’s love that night I allowed my pain to be felt. He understood! And He had always been willing to lavish his love on me, but I had been so tied up in keeping it together that I had been missing out on His sweet embrace!

Isaiah 53:4: “Surely he hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows: yet we did esteem him stricken, smitten of God, and afflicted. But he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with his stripes we are healed.”

 

 

Lessons from the Airport Terminal

Posted on by chel2010sbcglobalnet

We were up and ready to go….It was dark outside and surely, at 5:30a.m., we would find a parking place in the Airport Parking Garage. Dad, Sarah and I were excited to be headed to New York to see family and vacation. Our Flight left at 6:45a.m. so we had plenty of time to catch our flight.

We tirelessly searched the ground floor of the parking garage. The garage was packed and it was on the the second floor, too. Surely, there would be a parking place on the top floor. But once we got to the top, a dozen other cars were driving around looking for a place to park but to no avail, no parking places were even free. I was starting to panic…..We had already wasted 10 minutes…..and we still had to drive down out of the garage and find a place to park. Yikes, we were gonna be cutting it pretty close for sure.

We found a spot in one of the Airport’s Parking Lots. We quickly unloaded the car and headed towards the Airport Shuttle stop. The Shuttle driver quickly loaded our luggage, and I thought We’re doing ok. I was organizing my thoughts and getting my reservation papers out and ready. But still, I was a bit high-strung. “Ok, we gotta boogie when we get into the airport. We’re gonna have to quickly get checked in, and get our boarding passes, and…and….” I barely breathed as I quickly gave my instructions.

“Rachel, Calm down,” Dad said. “It’s gonna be ok. We’ll get there. No problem.”

“We’re gonna miss our flight!” I said worriedly as another passenger boarded.

“Hey, man you dropped something back there,” a passenger waved at the man that had just boarded the shuttle.

“Seriously,” I said under my breath and looked out the shuttle window behind to see the man’s backpack laying on the ground and his belongings sprawled out all over the ground. I wish this guy would hurry up. I thought. I got a plane to catch. Hurry up dude! But he seemed to be in no hurry as he took what seemed like forever to gather his belongings.

“We’re gonna miss our flight. We’re gonna miss our flight!” I muttered under my breath as I began to panic. We had to check-in and get through security! We just weren’t gonna make it…..

Finally, the man climbed up into the shuttle and we were on our way to the terminal. When the shuttle stopped, I could see the U.S. Airways terminal. It was 5:55a.m. at this point. Yikes. They closed boarding our plane in just 30 minutes. We would be running for sure!!!

But, as we guided our luggage toward the U.S. Airways terminal, there was no one in line!!! I looked over at American and there 20 people in line to check in… and the other terminals were the same way!!!

“I can check you in,” said the worker. “Got 4 minutes till I head to my gate.” And so, we were able to get checked in by 6 a.m. Ok, that was pretty cool but we still have to get through security and the line is getting longer!!!

We got to the TSA agent and handed him our licenses.” All right, y’all are ready to go. Your group has been chosen to go through pre-check. There’s no need to take your liquids out and you can leave your shoes on. We’ll suave one of your hands. And you’ll be done.”

We went to the pre-check and got through security the fastest I ever have in my entire life!!! We arrived at our gate, and they had just begun boarding our plane.

God is always in control, and sometimes, I doubt his goodness….and what exactly he is doing in my life. I should have just trusted God in the first place, but I was so consumed with the circumstances that I wasn’t trusting Him, but he was working the whole situation out. Praise the Lord for his Goodness and grace, even when I don’t deserve it!